5:53 PM
Date: November 27, 2011
Music: My Immortal by Evanescence (Fallen)
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I…
I’m sick of having this desire for things that aren’t good for me.
I’m sick of being scared of it falling apart.
It’s crippling.
I hear whispers of doom or of possible fallouts or of disbandment and these things terrify me. My heart contracts in on itself and leaves its exoskeleton behind, a fragile bubble waiting to be shattered.
I’m so afraid.
All the time.
And I can’t help but wonder
If it’s worth it.
At times I can stop and say, “of course, it’s made me so happy. It’s given me goals. It’s been a journey I will never forget.”
And then later on I start thinking.
But what if it stops one day, and it will. What happens then. Will I still be so attached to it? Will it hurt me that much? Will I launch myself into a downward spiral of depression? Will I cry? Will I scream? Will I not be able to forget if I need to?
And I get scared.
Because everything will end.
The only question is as to how and when it will.
And what kind of person I will be when it does.
But I’m so afraid.
